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Are You Really What You Dream?
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 14th, 2005|04:49 am] |
two nights with mattsy, two surreal experiences
what is the world comiong to?
at least theres allways poker tomorrow
ps - to all of you who havent seen me since ive been home - thhhhhhhbbbppppttttt - why? |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 26th, 2005|09:55 pm] |
on a related note, i can actually trace myself getting smarter through livejournal.
wow was i a dumb tenth grader. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 26th, 2005|09:33 pm] |
i've had a pretty shitty day, by the meadure of things. however, i just turned on led zeplin's led zeplin II, went into the bathroom, and shaved off my beard, so i dont really have room or need to complain.
what i do have room for is (surprise, surprise) reflection. those of you who care not for eli's year long self exploration can skip ahead. i'm just kidding, of course; everyone has to read everything i write.
the focus of this particular reflection is my past two years livejournal posts on and around my birthday. from the looks of them, i had to pretty bad birhtdays in a rwo, when in fact i know this is not the case. last year i was focused on my car getting broken into when i should have been focused on frolicking in the poets garden and generally enjoying second semester senior year, and two years ago i was overly concerned about the way i treated a certain hook-up situation when i should have been joyful for my nel firneds and my bruce springsteen tickets.
in short - there are bad things, but they tend to over shadow much better ones. ie - im sick, but i'm also in israel. therefore, i'm not getting down aboout it this year. i'll leave you know to return to my zeplin II, but we shall part with this, an exceprt from two years ago, paraphrased to make me happy.
This weekend truly reminded me why I love life so much, which I feel like can be summed up in one word: hugs. hugs make me feel wanted, loved, liked, enjoyed, and full of happiness. Everything in the world can be wrong but a hug from the right person can make everything better. |
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| realy, i promise, no more interviews...i think...at least for today |
[May. 9th, 2005|08:24 pm] |
1)Favorite memory of the two of us. - any one of the car rides out to your house in west bumblefuck. sitting in your house talking to you with your mother constantly asking if i wanted something to eat with the tone in her voice as if i would waste away without food. sitting at board meetings with aaron and just being bothersome and you giving me this i love you but if you dont shut up im gonna kill you look. that elections night out in the halway...you really are a pretty smart cookie to know your self so well
2)Something you've always wanted to tell me, but been too shy, afraid, scared...this is a toughie. i mean, its not like yoursomeone that im afraid to confront about things, and i have definetly taken you on about your stress level in the past. maybe ive never thought to tell you how funny it was meeting you for the first time. well not really the first time, but sophmore year. you were so eager and wanting to make friends and then elections happened, and i think you thought i hated you or something, but to tell you the truth, not winning was the best thing that coulda happened to me. i needed a break from ratsy. and anyway, i got a chance to be at all three instillation dinners so what does it matter?
3)Biggest NFTY related regret. - hmmm. there are a few. not going to a nfty camp (dont tell jason but i kinda wish i had gone to eisner), not going to nel camp for the first three years, not going to more events the first three years, not getting involved frosh year, not going on eie, missing the boards where i ran, not going on carmel.
4)One thing you could change about yourself, and one you could change about me. - about myself? probably give my self some more self control. and for you? it seems obvious, but lose thestress! ( iwll admit youve gotten MUCH better, but still....)
5)Lastly-I've heard your thoughts on MCVP, and Israel, and the doors the
election turnout opened for you. Do you ever regret the way things turned out?
hmmm....no. not at all. the immeadiate past is bright, as is my pesent, as is my future. my regrets all suround the first years of high school and middle school. but as much as i talk about regrets, i am really just estatic about the way everything has turned out. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 8th, 2005|08:57 pm] |
ok, so -
my dad has decided to throw me a coming home party. if you're cool enough to read this journal, you're cool enough to come. its on june 11th at 6:00 pm at habayit sheli. be there. (ps this includes you out of towners - my house is open and im volunteering jasons too)
and now for emily goodman's questions
1. ill go to clc with laura again, and then on to mcc while working to earn some doguh. jason really wants me to come to brandeis second semster, and its a definet possibility, but we shall see.
2. oh man. what an excellent question. and i have to answer it poorly. i have no idea. the really pitiful part is that i still kinda refuse to believe i left. i've talked to so many people that said "i'm ready to get out" and i just have no clue what theyre talking about. what does it mean to me? its the most significant point of leaving highschool to me, the divinding line bbettween high school and real life. no group of friends in real life could be that loyal, that friendly, that unjudgemental, that much similar to me. israel has been a blessing, but nel was a godsend.
3. only one best thing? no way. the sun rising over (check one) the judaean hills, the negev mountains, mount carmel and blasing over (check one) the old city, the jordanian mountains, the bahai gardens/ the mediteranean sea. living on my own. coking for my self. macabi haifa/ betar yerushelaim games. kibbutz life. the muslim call to prayer. going to cairo. going to poland. pesach in jerusalem. maariv at the wall. the shook. ben yehuda. hows that for starts?
4. woooh...another excellent one. the ski docks at george represent everythnig to me. they represent the end to my doubts about nel, the beinging of my passion for nel, 3 amazing friends, my first taste of plutonic boy girl love, a story about laura and i, my past, my future, and my legacy. they mean you, they mean kalie, they mean carly. those docks are my nel experience in a nutshell.
5. berenstein bears i think. carmen sandiego actually. definetly carmen sandiego. |
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| a silly little favor |
[May. 6th, 2005|07:47 pm] |
hey - a favor to ask. i was wondering if you could, if you have a minute today, (and if you know him) just call and leave my dad a message wishing him a happy birthday. i know how much he'd love it. thanks!
(eli's home # - 585 2563453) |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 5th, 2005|12:07 pm] |
I hear that on Yom ha Shoah in Israel everything stands still for a full minute. I hear that people stop on the free way, get out of their cars. I hear that the taxis stop their honking, vendors their heckling, and politicians their bickering. I hear that for a single minute in the entire Israeli year, everything in Israel is calm, quiet, and peaceful.
and even though i'm living here, i couldnt tell you weather all this is true. i couldnt tell you becasue i spent today inside.
this morning i sat down between benny and issac. benny is my self-appointed guide to life in haifa, a fairly good english speaker who wants to make sure i know where the best bars, coffee shops, and date reastourants are. issac is another friend who says very little very quietly. we've become friends over our shared love of chess (i have yet to beat him, but i'm getting closer.)
i was doing pretty well today. i was fine as one person after another rose and read tribute to those 6 million that died senselessly. i even was alright as i rose and said a few words about what it was like gorwing up as a jew with the holocaust as such a dominant jewish identity maker.
where everything went downhill was when benny rose, and told his story.
benny lost his two sisters to mydonic, his brother and his father to pograms. they made him watch as they beat his brother to death.
as the siren wailed, everyone arose, everyone in this old age home. issac, who has considerable trouble walking, asked me to help him stand, and so for a minute, i supported this man, half my height, half my weight, who was one of schindlers jews.
afterwards, i had to leave. i couldnt bear the thought of these strong men seeing me cry. and i thought of my fear of not doing something imporant with my life this year.
i think now, this is all thats important. |
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| as he takes a huge breath and touches the plastic |
[May. 1st, 2005|02:10 pm] |
TWELVE CORNERS MIDDLE SCHOOL
-the dances/"activity nights" - sitting miserably against the wall, playing ping pong, trying to sneak past the watchers.
-chatterbox
- how 9th grade was the best one becasue i actually got invited to a pre-party and hung out with gwen the entire night
- how marley burns asked me to dance at one of them, and gwen at anthoer, and it made my night both times
-brighton drama, and how the plays so dramatically altered my life.
-muff potter in 6th grade, with a comedic all star cast, and rj's sister directing. ben schacht and aaron berg in the two leads, with beth harris opposite aaron. need i say more?
- a non-musical version of les mis in 7th. worst idea for a play ever. tobi libee(sp?) as the lead. i played chapmatieu. "chapmatieu! chapmatieu! my name is chapmatieu! my friends call me monkey!"
- waltzing with marley berns and being so nervous
- loosing my necklace after puting it in that ripped pocket of the royal blue shirt
-the boyfriend in 8th grade, and my favorite acting experience ever. getting laughs before i even said anything by the end of the show. that was the perfect part for me.
- the miserable failure that i was in the whole rachel younger fiasco
- jason and rachel.
- that girl! the other rachel! in 8th grade! she went out with like everyone, but speciffically sam wexler. she was soooo cool!
- quackadillioma, and how i never got picked
- olivia going out with jason and lucas in the same like 2 week span
-the pit stop
- cast parties at friendlies/ perkins/ slash those ones in the cafeteria on the last night. i sitll have all of my signed posters.
-the morning show
- being completely taken by surprise at being picked to be an anchor
- mr. wilson being so cool
- geting there soooo early in the morning
- being the only male anchor
- playing computer games
- rj making me tell beth that i had a crush on her
-being devestated at not getting into robotics and communications in 8th grade
-the big bridge comp with mr. priola
-that bitch of a vice principal, mrs. (oh shit what was her name?)
-those green rubber stairs
-amazing teachers
- totally bullshiting my LTP for mr. bill
- loving mrs. warner, and her being my counselor for the washing trip (oh man the washington trip - mike sleeping in the bath tub, anyone?)
- being the only kid to work on the yearbook in 7th grade with mr. (oh shit waht was his name - he taugh social studies in a room across from mr. bill, and he loved baseball)
- failing miserably at home ec - the cinnamon roll fiasco (anyone remember that?) and the bag fiasco
- the atrium after school
- boy scouts, and all the problems surrounding it
- chess camp (oh man, i cant believe i went to chess camp) - ron and ken, trips to wendys, getting lost in the woods
- heights, and the cherry coke cans for the founders, me will and nick.
-trolling through the trash for the club house, and those two old chairs we got.
- being total pyromaniacs up there
- war ball
-oh man that reading competition - we got 1st place in 8th grade - and unbeatable team - me, lucas, jason, and...micah maybe? i cant remember. oy.
-all of the crushes
-how bad mr. summerville smelled
-tom fannon as my lab partener, and how bad that turned out
-failing band 3 years in a row cuz of those damn practice slips
-being in both bands
-playing the mantis dance and in the hall of the mountain king for solofest
-the spanish trip in 8th grade, and how it had nothing to do with spanish. marley getting felt up by some wierd guy at virgin mega store
-my bar mitzvah was the shit. best food, best music, best everything - the hand waxes, and carictatures - getting my picture taken dancing with sam and polina and being so embarassed
- the 7th grade hebrew class, and that trip to the park
-sawcy
- mohawk in csl - mnl, ari baum, eric, aaronson, everything. csl was huge.
- those specific lunch tables - my table of me, ryan whisler, eric kopp, brian francotti, niko, and josh loughler, and how they were all gone the next year, and not having anywhere to sit, and finally going to esp to escape all that
-johny and eric frye, and the all night n64 games at thier house - the 99 life smash bros games
-lucas's mom as librarian
-that female gym teacher that looked like a man
-how our 8th grade lockin got changed to a late-night becasue of the class above us
mrs. kelly, and our early sunday mornings
- the billboard top 40 on the way to her house
its funny how memory highlights the good things. i dont remember particularly liking middle school, but there are alot of good memories, as well as alot that make me cringe. as always, your memories or comments are welcome. this may be the last of these, becasue i dont know how to tackle high school, but we shall see. |
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| will i ever grow out of silly lj gimmicks? |
[May. 1st, 2005|01:04 pm] |
Rules
1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
2. I will respond by asking you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your LJ with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions
1. What do you hate the most?
I hate not being in control of a situation, or life in general. i like knowing that i can do something to change the current situation.
2. How was Cairo?
amazing. i think that one of the best things about being in israel has been my close proximity to all these other places. it is an amazing feeling to do things this year and realize that i can cross them off things to do before i die. - spend at least a year in israel, check. live in jerusalem, check. work on kibbutz, check. live in an apartment in a big city, check. go to auchwitz/birkkenau, check. go to the pyramids, check. there are probably more, but those are the biggies.
3. How many days til you come home (again)?
37
4. Have I ever suprised you? If so how? i think that our entire relationship was a pleasant surprise. going from a person that i knew only marginally well, we developed a freindship that i really cherrish. i really value your opinion and i dont know if you really know that. all that said, i was floored by your invitation to prom last year, and i was so upset that i couldnt go. i never really got a chance to thank you for asking, and so here it is: thank you. it meant a lot more than i think you know to me.
5. If you could go back in time, where would you go?
hmm. i guess the depressing answer is back to like 10th grade to spend some more time with my mom. but historically? i'd love to meet certain people which would require a bit of time travel. i'd love to meet abraham joshua heschel or martin buber. actually, while were at the ideas of faith, id like to go back about 4000 years ago to mount sinai. hear revelation. that'd be cool, and simplify my life so much. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 19th, 2005|10:52 pm] |
something worth noting:
benedict xv, Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger's pope-name's predessor, was the pope during world war 1 that originated the vatican's policy of neutrality that pope pius hid behind during the holocaust. He also was pope during the begining of some of the worst years of anti semitism out of the church since the inquisition.
bear that in mind while realizing that (willingly or not) the new pope served in hitlers army.
maybe i'm a little over tuned to this becasue i just got back from poland, and i did my project on the vatican during the war, and im tired etc etc...
but i thought it was worth noting |
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| do bah dah do dah do (dah-dah do) dibididibidi-do bahdah doo doo doo |
[Apr. 4th, 2005|09:39 am] |
A continuation of sorts from my council rock memories a while back, if you remember.
Round 2: French Road
-mathaletes or whatever meeting afterschool, and it being like THE thing to do for a long time
-the small side cafeteria, and carrie reisses grandma being the supervisor
-cub scouts with evan engle, pete zimbleman, nick, zach davis, oy everyone. how friendships change.
-the scouts soapbox derby in the high school cafeteria: i saw the murals and thought it was the coolest thing id ever seen
-esp, and how stupid i felt at not getting in while mike nick and matt all did.
-how estatic i was to get in in 4th grade
-the esp themes - that pyramid, and the body just the coolest thigs ever - that room was crazy
-me, nick, matt, and mike. everything
-mrs. morris in third grade. me telling her i hated her in class one day. her and marcus fighting
-mrs. taylor in 4th grade - the log cabin, the wax mueseum, just te most rediculous fun
-sean nealon cheating on the wax mueseum project
-this girl in our fourth grade class that i cant remember her name, but she moved away the next year - short, blonde hair, maybe her name was courtney - sh nick named me tubby bitch and i wanted to punch her in the face
-the jump rope a thon! and dancing with the assisstant gym teacher to the song "lollipop"
- playing the batman theme in band and having someone dressed as batman actually come out.
-the pathetic sight of the roller skating nights in the gym, with eli getting shot down time and again when asking girls to skate, and ending up asking the moms of my friends to sake (mrs. mauer, mrs engle, etc.) (just thinking obut this is making me cringe)
-picking the clainet in 4th grade, and then the bassoon in 5th. what bad ideas in retrospect.
-i'm blanking on my teachers names in 5th grade, but i remember things
- cheating on civil war day
- my english teacvher telling us about being a security guard at the atlanta olympics
- my socail studies teacher swearing at my dad, and then "taking a year off" at the end of the year\
-brighton baseball - playing for pontillo's, going there after games
- zach dvis's dad being both my cubmaster and coach
-the rochester greens...in our last season, we were the mustangs, and then we got mooved to the red star dynamos, but im blanking on the name of the team before then.
-the team - me, nick, boston, boston's brother, evreything
-the championships - the tourney championship one year, the league championship the next
-the coach - nick considines dad - awesome
-those awful class pictures in the lobby
- the color choices for the individual pics
- the election booths esp set up for the 1996 election
-goosebumps
-the godzilla marathon
-putt-putt
-the skeleton cake with the flaming eyes
-the esp play in fifth grade - lois beckett director with me playing ferdinand and megan foster playing miranda - fake kissing
- csl - hating it in 96 but deciding to go back
- i dont remember who i had for sunday school in third grade, and im blanking on 4th and 5th's names, but 5th's was the shit.
-karate! going everyweek - guy was there, and matt - hmmmm it was fun
-n64, gorka morka, mechwarrior, everything bitrthdays
-sleepovers
-carzy igor's/ millenium/ everything
when i think about how many friends that were girls i had i my life at this point (0) against how many i have now (a wonderfully huge amount) it makes me giggle.
theres probably more but i cant think of it right now - feel free to add on your won memeories |
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| for those of you who keep asking for an update |
[Mar. 31st, 2005|10:35 am] |
Recently, while riding back from Eilat to the kibbutz that I’m working on, I sat next to a young woman, who, like most Israelis that I’ve encountered thus far in my journeys, was more than willing to talk to me about any number of topics, in a smattering of my broken-but-growing Hebrew and her close to fluent English. I soon learned that she had just left the army, where she had served as a soldier liaison, and that she was traveling from her home in Eilat to Tel Aviv, where she was planning to catch a flight to New Zealand with some of her friends to go scuba diving, relax, and basically take a six month break from everything.
After we had gone over all of this, the conversation turned to me. I explained that I had decided to spend a year in Israel now that I had graduated high school. She immediately jumped at the statement, and began asking me excitedly what unit I was serving in. I had to sheepishly admit that I was only taking a year off in Israel without army service to participate in a program that promoted Aliyah and campus activism. She was of course familiar with Aliyah, but didn’t understand the concept of campus activism, and my Hebrew learning simply didn’t cover that particular vocab, and so I struggled to explain such a concept.
I first tried to explain how since the first day of my Jewish learning, we’ve been taught about Israel. Its roots, both Jewish and otherwise, its history, its holy cities, everything. I tried to tell her about the feeling of stepping onto the land for the first time, or gazing over the mountains of the Negev as the sun rises, or drinking from a cool spring in the Galilee, and knowing that my ancestors were doing the same thing thousands of years ago. I tried to make her see how impossible it was for people that have never been here to see those same things.
Jerusalem, in my mind the eternal bonding of the Jews, was my next try. I tried to describe the feeling of looking out over the city from the mount of olives and seeing the Dome of the Rock, The Kotel, and The Church of the Holy Sepulcher framed by a setting sun. Of living in a place where I could attend a different synagogue every week for the four months that I lived there and still not experience all that Jerusalem has to offer religiously. Of living in a city alive with passion. a city where even the stones underfoot have a story if only one would stop and listen.
I tried to explain how friends of my father had asked him if he was crazy for letting me travel to a place like Israel at a time like this, how my friends’ last words to me were “don’t get killed,” and how hard it is to watch the news everyday at home and try to filter out the bias and figure out what’s really going on.
Unfortunately, my stop arrived before I was convinced that I had gotten across to her how important living in Israel has been for me as a Jew, as a teenager, but most importantly as a person. When I explained my frustration to her, as I was getting off, she laughed, and said “People that try to explain Israel will never be content.”
Thinking about that now, I know how right she is. The beauty of Israel is that it does not live in examples, good or bad. Israel is, Israel lives, and so Israel remains indefinable. Israel is like a good book, or movie, or anything worth knowing. I could try and try to explain why Israel is so important, but I would only be explaining why Israel is important to me. I will never be fully content until you come and see for yourself. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 18th, 2005|12:03 pm] |
mark this down in your memory:
yesterday, thursday the 17th of march, 2005, i milked cows.
it was orgasmic. i'm gonna do it once a week until we finish here now.
my life, that little piece that i always feel is missing, is complete.
loveness |
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| this seems like its a really happy thing... |
[Jan. 31st, 2005|03:42 pm] |
01 Reply with your name and I will write something about you.
02 I will then tell what song[s] remind me of you.
03 Next, I will tell you who you remind me of, celebrity/animated or otherwise.
04 Last, I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
05 Put this in your journal! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 18th, 2005|08:41 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  hopeful | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | beatles mix | ] |
i was reading back through my rost entries and realized a number of things
1) most of what ive been writing here has been an unbroken stream of sentimental tacky crap. i apologize to those of you out in readerland, but i prob needed it.
2) ive stopped writing in here as its gotten harder and harder to describe my life. i usually write emotions and stuff in here, butwhenever i drag my bones back to this site i get really missing-homeish and so it generally comes out as aforementioned crap.
actually thats pretty much all i realized. not so much. a general life update for thsoe of you who care:
i'm living on kibbutz now after 4 months of academics in jerusalem. jerusalem was awesome in that i spent my time in this place that ive idealized for most of my life. academics were...academics.
kibbutz is unbelieveable. we live in the middle of the desert, and work and learn hebrew along with the kibbutzniks. i myself work in the algetec plant where we grow and harvest alge to sell to people. its unbelievably cool and i love my job. we work like 7 hours a day and i come home, smoke some nargilah and study tanach and talmud in my hammock.
i guess that pretty much it. its funny how i cna sum up five months in two small bursts...theres more i know, but its all just pretty much happy stuff.
feel free to ask questions, and live happy. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 17th, 2005|07:25 pm] |
A. Choose 5 people from your friends list at random
B. Write something about each of them. It doesnt have to be good, just honest
C. Dont tell anyone what the statements are about, no matter how much they beg!
(im cheating a bit becasue im only picking people i wanna write about)
1. I met you in fancy clothes and for some reason thats how I will always think of you...to ellegant for this simple life that we lead, gracious and crazy and wonderful all in one. You are exactly the kind of person i want to marry...no matter how many times i have to explain your feelings to you, i always come away feeling like you are infinitly smarter than i am.
2. It constantly amazes me how unbelievably smart you are. It amazes me that i see things in you that no one else can see. i catch myself comparing comparing conversations i have with other people to conversations i have with you...it a dangerous game becasue everyone else comes up short.
3. Annimal Sex bonded us, and i didn think anything would really become of it...instead of being someone i sadi hi to in the halls, you became an integral part of my life. you are my definition of spunk.
4. You are my elixer, and my true best friend. I don't know where I'd be without you. It was so confusing to me when you told me that you felt like you were not as cool as me becasue i look up to you so much and you dont even know it...you are my zen master.
5. You've had the biggest impact on my jewish life and I really owe so much to you for leading me down the path I've taken. I can only hope to have the effect on one person that you've had on so many. We have such a good plutonic boy-girl love, it makes me smile just thinking about it. |
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| Enough Said |
[Oct. 18th, 2004|07:25 pm] |
At the Beresheet Music Festival
The View from our Apartment
Life is Good |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 26th, 2004|09:47 pm] |
[There are] two kinds of prayer--vertical and horizontal. I don't have the slightest problem with vertical prayer. It is horizontal prayer that frightens me. Vertical prayer is private, directed upward toward heaven. It need not be spoken aloud, because God is a spirit and has no ears. Horizontal prayer must always be audible, because its purpose is not to be heard by God, but to be heard by fellow men standing within earshot. ... Under Bush we have had a great deal of horizontal prayer, in which we evoke the deity at political events to send the sideways message that our enemies had better look out, because God is on our side. ... When Ashcroft and his enemies both begin their days with displays of their godliness, do we feel safer after they rise from their devotions?
"Public prayer fanatics borrow page from enemy's script." Roger Ebert. Chicago Sun-Times. March 5, 2003. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 24th, 2004|01:18 pm] |
“Are we going to be friends forever?” asked Piglet.
“Even longer,” Pooh answered.
-- A. A. Milne
thanks for everything, brighton. what an unbelieveable, long, strage, wonderful trip its been. |
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